The tide turned
by CaskettMyHeart
Summary: Kate wakes up with that terrible nightmare again. And Castle isn't having the best day either. Then he comes with news that turns the tide. The death of her mother is AU, but it follows the serie around the middle of season 3, when Castle breaks up with Gina. Drama, Romance and Hurt/Comfort
1. Chapter 1 The beginning

**Chapter one. The beginning.**

Kate lead a perfectly happy life. She was happy in school, had good grades, had a fun group of friends and had a fantastic life out of school. She had a boyfriend who she had been together with for 6 months and had two nice parents, Johanna and Jim, who loved her just as much as she loved them. Most of the 17 year old wouldn't be this close to their parents, but she was. She didn't mind walking the streets with them, and going to the movies with them. But all of that changed in just 10 minutes. She was 19 when it happened. She was having a girls night out with her mum. They walked the streets of LA like they did many times, but this time was different. Kate and her mum where talking about what she was going to be doing as her job. As a kid, she mostly watched crime series, she had always been fascinated with the cases. So later, she wanted to be a homicide detective with the LAPD.

They were just about two blocks away from the movie theaters were they got attacked. Kate just told her mum she was going to be a cop when a guy ran over to them, pushed Kate aside and shot her mum in the shoulder and ran away. Kate didn't see the shooter or the shot. But she did see her mum fall onto the ground. Kate crawled over to her mum called an ambulance put pressure on the wound like she saw in series many times and tried to comfort her mum.

"It's going to be okay mum, just hang on okay?" Kate had sobbed.

"Katie, follow your heart."

"No mum, you'll be there to see me. You'll see me."

"Aw Katie, I love you. And I love your dad. I will watch out for you, from the stars, just like your grandparents are."

"No. I love you mum but you have to stay here! You can't go!" she cried out for help, but no one heard her. She grabbed her phone and called her dad.

"Katie, I will always love you. Always." Johanna closed her eyes.

"No! Mum! No!" Kate held up her mum kissed her on her forehead and hugged her.

She heard sirens coming closer, but it was already too late. Her mum had died for no reason, in her arms.

Kate woke up. She had that terrible nightmare again from that night now 12 years ago. Today, January the 9th, it had been 12 years since her mum got murdered. And on this day, every year she would have the same nightmare, the memory of her mums murder happening in front of her eyes.

She would have the nightmare on other occasions, but that faded over the years. But every year, on January the 9th she would have the nightmare, and today was no exception.

She walked over to the bathroom, undressed and got in the shower. She did that every morning to clear her head, but after nightmares if worked magic! She thought about any other things, and tried not to think about her mum. After a while, she forgot it. She stepped out of the shower, got dressed and got to work like any other day.

Now she lived in New York City. She got to the 12th precinct, where she had worked from the year after her mum died. She worked on her mum's case every free time she got, but never got a new lead. And since 2 years, she worked with a writer, Richard Castle. The first year, he had tried to show himself of, but the more she worked with him, the more she got to like him, and he her, but they had both denied it. But last spring, she really fell for him. She was going to tell him she loved him, but he showed up with one of his two ex-wives, Gina. She was a wreck after that, and he didn't even notice. She was mad at him, but couldn't help but take him back. He eventually came back, still with his ex, but he came back to help her. To get back at him, she told herself she wasn't in love with him and got a boyfriend.

She was doing paperwork when Esposito and Ryan, 2 of her partners, came up to her, knowing she had a nightmare, knowing she woke up screaming. They knew her pretty well by now, Esposito saw Kate as her little sister; so when Rick hurt Kate, he wanted to kick Rick's ass so he would stay away and never be able to hurt her again, but Kate wouldn't let him. Ryan was more the kind of 'brother' that she could talk to, joke around with… he was just another kind, but both awesome.

"Hey, Beckett, you okay?" Espo asked. It was a tone in his voice she barely heard from him. "You sure you won't take the day off?" Ryan added. It went like this every year. They asked if she was okay, if she didn't need to take time off, she never did that so they knew what the answer was, and every time she just shacked her head and took a sip of her coffee. When she wanted to grab her cup of coffee, she realized it wasn't there. "Where's Castle?" she asked. "I don't know, he should be here soon." Ryan answered. Just then Castle walked through the elevator doors.

Castle reached Kate's desk, sat down the bear claw and the coffee and sat himself down in the chair next to the desk. "Thanks!" she said as she took the coffee and looked up. It was then that she saw that he wasn't as cheerful as normally. He looked like he hadn't slept in days. "You okay, Castle?" she asked as she put her work down and focused on him and the breakfast he always brought her.

"I should be asking you that question seen which day it is today." Castle didn't sound like himself, he was harsh. That one single line, from him, made her eyes wet again. When she stood up and walked into the coffee room, he realized he shouldn't have said it. Not in that way, not now, not ever.

"Kate…" he said as he ran after her. "I'm sorry!" he said once he closed the door and sat himself on the couch on the opposite side of Kate. "I know you are." She sighed, "So, what's wrong with you to be this way?"

"Nothing…" he mumbled. "Come on Castle, I know it's not nothing!" she said as she looked up and met his gaze for just a second, before he looked at his hands that were placed on his knees.

"It's Gina." He said as he looked up. That one name changed a lot. She was the reason she wasn't together with him now, maybe it was better that she wasn't, but she still didn't like Gina. "Oh…" she sighed. "We're fighting," he said looking at her, "again…"

"Can't really help with that, you know…" she said as she had to laugh in herself because she wanted to stay serious with him. "Yeah, I know. I don't really think she'd like me to talk to you though, so I should go." He stood up to leave the room. "Wait, why not?" she asked him as she put her hand on his to stop him from going. "The fight was about you…"

"What? Me?" she asked confused. "Yeah, you." Was his answer.

"What about me could she fight about with you?" she was still a little confused, and nervous. "Well…" he awkwardly said. "Yeah? Come on Castle, it can't be that bad!" she said as he sat back down in front of her. "She thought, because I was staying late last week, that you and I…" he didn't want to finish the sentence, not to her. But she knew what he was talking about. "What? She thought that?" she asked, hoping she wouldn't blush because she still loved him even though she had a boyfriend. "Still thinks it actually." He awkwardly answered. Kate wasn't able to look at him, Rick was, he looked at her, not with awkwardness in his eyes, more the look that he wished it was true. That he wished it did happen instead of Gina making it up. When she looked at his eyes, she saw that. She saw the wish, the love. She was shocked to think he loved her back.

He broke the silence with this one line that changed everything, it was his choice weather he'd be with her or not, but now, with that one line, it was on her. "So I kicked her out."

**If you want me to continue this story, please tell me, otherwise I'll just start on another idea.**


	2. Chapter 2 The Wall Around Her Heart

**Chapter Two. The wall around her heart.**

**I'm sorry it took so long, but I was on camp for a week. I did write there, but I couldn't upload my story. So here is the next chapter.**

"Wait what? You kicked her out?" Kate asked, a little happy but not letting him notice and still a little in shock about what she saw in Rick's eyes. She was always good in reading people, and with him, it was even easier, well most of the time, but not always. "Yeah. And you know what? It felt right!" he smiled, "but, now she thinks I did it because it's true…" he said expecting her to be mad. Kate just had to laugh, "well that's not so good, I guess. You know, for the press." Now he had to laugh to, "I think Paula would kill Gina if she spread something like that."

"Don't you think she'll like it? I mean, she's always pushing you for more publicity…" she asked a little more serious than before. "Don't worry about that. If Gina leaks it, I will make sure Paula stops it." He insured her, "I know you don't want me to ruin your reputation." He said with a smirk on his face. "I just don't want to tell a lie." She said a lot more serious than before. "Don't worry, I won't let it hit the papers even if it is a lie. I don't need more drama right now."

"Yeah, me neither." Was Kate's only answer to that.

"So now your turn, How are you doing? Same as every year or, is it better?" he asked, back to serious and concerned. "Same." She sighed and put a hand through her hair, "it's always the same…"

"Hey, one day, it will be alright. Maybe not soon, but I'll be there with you." He said as he sat next to her. She met his gaze, she saw concern, fear and… love. She saw love! She looked back at her knees, because she knew he was good at reading people to. She was afraid that he might see that same love with her. And what he saw in her eyes was fear, sorrow and… indeed, love. She had love written in her eyes, but was it for him, or for her mother? He was hoping him, but he could just wish it was like that because on this day, you couldn't trust any emotion that Kate had. You never knew if it was for a case, her mother, or in this case him.

"I should go," she broke the silence with a sigh and stood up, "finish my paperwork."

"Yeah" Castle answered not really sure about what he should think about this new emotion he saw in her eyes, and if he maybe should do anything with it.

Kate was finished with her paperwork and she hadn't had any new cases, so there was nothing he could do but stare at her doing paperwork. She had found it creepy at first, but now, she liked it. At this moment she just wanted to think about what he said. He kicked her out, because she thought they were having an affair. So, did he do it because he didn't like that idea, or because he did? And she, for the first time in a year, whished that he would go home. Because she was afraid that if he didn't, she wouldn't be able to control herself and just pull him into the break room, close the blinds and pull is lips to hers. But she couldn't. not yet anyway. She needed to know if he loved her back.

Castle's phone started to ring and mess up her thoughts, since it was laying on her desk, she couldn't help but glimpse at the caller ID. Of course, Gina! She had interrupted her when she was about to confess her love for him, and now. And she made it so easy to hate her.

He denied the call. "Don't you think you two should talk about this?" she said as much as she hated it. "No, I don't. She blamed me for something so ridicules as you and me, together? And she was convinced it was true! If she can't trust me that I'm not a cheater, she doesn't get my attention." He said a little, no, a lot annoyed.

_So ridicules as you and me_, the line repeated into her head a thousand times. She felt a pain in her heart. So there was her answer, he thought that the thought of them being together was ridicules. How could she even think that he would love her back? _How could I be so stupid!_ She stated to herself. She was not only broken, but also mad. "Well, if you think it's ridicules! Why do you care?" without thinking about it she spitted out her words, not even trying to hide the anger and hurt in her voice, pushed her chair back and walked into the break room needing to get away from him. He was the only person in the world that would make her this mad and heartbroken at the same time.

Her exit didn't go unnoticed by the boys. Espo immediately shot him a What-Did-You-Do look before he walked over and asked, while Ryan went after Kate.

"Nothing! I swear!" Rick said in defense. "I don't…" he started but Espo interrupted him, "you know you are the only person that can make her emotions turn this fast right? The one moment she's just doing her job, happy, the next she's clearly mad!" Castle opened his mouth but didn't know what to have as a response to that as her words wondered around in his head. _"Well, if you think it's ridicules! Why do you care?"_ what did he say was ridicules again? _Oh God…_ he thought as he remembered overreacting. But why is she so touched by that? He remembered him being in love with her, but then she was with Tom Demming, and now that he thought about it, he never really knew what happened to him. Yeah, they broke up, but when? Why? And then he remembered the night he showed up at the 12th with Gina. She seemed so happy, she made jokes, but when she saw Gina, that all shifted. He didn't know until he had looked back at her after he said "_See you in the fall" _ and almost turned around the corner. Her body language had changed so fast. And then, as the memory ran through his head she remembered her head looking down at the floor like she was embraced, or… defeated, and if he remembered correctly, he saw tears... When he had left then, she had felt defeated, and cried, but why?

"Are you okay Beckett?" Ryan asked. While he saw her leaning against the counter, head down. _Not good._ He thought. "Nothing, Ryan. Just leave it." She said as she held her hand through her hair. "What did he do, Kate? I've never seen you like this before. And we both know, since 3 months ago, he's the only guy that can get you like this!" Ryan knew she wasn't okay. Kate sighed, how was it that he broke that wall down so fast? And now that wall would have to come back, ASAP! The guy she loved basically told her the idea of them, together was ridicules. So she promised herself, right there in that moment that she wouldn't let herself brake down ever again. She knew now that the wall had to be there to protect herself.

When she finally had found her words she answered: "I'll be fine Kevin. Castle just said something I didn't want to hear. That's all." Ryan opened his mouth to say something but Kate took her coffee cup and walked out of the break room. Not forgetting the promise she made to herself.

Kate walked back to her desk. Watching Kate walk out of the break room, Espo left Castle and walked over to Ryan in the break room. "You okay?" Espo asked when he passed by Kate. She just nodded and met his gaze for just a second to convince him, and brought it back to Castle who was looking at her. As soon as she reached her desk Rick spilled the question, wanting to be sure that his thoughts were correct, That she was in love with him. "Beckett, What did I do?"

"Nothing Castle, just getting some coffee. And sorry for before. Just a little stressed." She tried to sound casual.

"Kate?" he put his hand on her arm that was reaching for the coffee cup, "What did I do wrong?" he didn't like it that she was pretending nothing happened. Kate turned to him, "Rick" she started, and by the tone in her voice, he pulled his hand back, "leave it!" she kind of scared him with how she was acting. The caring Kate had disappeared and now Beckett, the one without jokes, the Beckett with the wall around her heart, had come back.

"Now I'm going to do paperwork, nothing for you to do here. So go home!" the anger in her voice was clear. She did want to know why he thought they were ridicules together, but for now, she had enough.

**Any thoughts? Review please.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3.**

**I tried some things, but it never worked. I feel like it did now. **

**So, I know it's been a LONG time. Sorry about that. But I had glandular fever, and now, after 5 weeks I'm getting better. I missed the first week of school to…**

**So here's the 3th chapter. And if you aren't reading my other story Because She Was Different yet, I would love it if you are going to. (I already wrote chapter 4 for that one so I'll update that one on Friday)**

Rick stood in the elevator as he watched Kate doing paperwork. _Why did I say that?_ He thought to himself. _Why did I tell her I think we're ridicules together?_ How much did he want to run back to her, pull her lips to his and kiss her so lovingly that she would have no doubt that he did, indeed, love her. Oh, how much he wanted it. But now was not the time. He knew that if he would do that now, in front of everyone, there would just be rumors, cheering because someone won a bet, and a very angry Kate. And he would lose his chance…

So he just stood in the elevator, watching her every move. He saw her laying her head in her hands before she turned her gaze to the elevator. Their eyes met until the doors closed. He had a sad look on his face and Kate, no… Beckett had that same non emotion look on her face.

Beckett looked around just a second to early. He met his gaze just before the doors closed. The sad look on his face touched her feelings but it shouldn't. It shouldn't have to be like this. He shouldn't have that sad look on his face, at that wall of her shouldn't be up again. But it was. Because this reality, where she loves him, but it's not like that the other way around. He doesn't love her. Or at least she assumes.

For the next few hours she wanted to get paperwork done, since there was nothing else she could do. But she didn't get as much done as she wanted to because her head kept going around the question: _Why?_ _Why did he say that?_ And what would he answer. Would she like the answer, or not? She knew nothing of those things. The only thing she did know is that she had to ask. She was going to ask.

In the loft it wasn't any better. Castle tried to get a few chapters on page. But every time he got stuck, and after rereading, he felt like he wasn't going anywhere and deleted it. Again, and again. Until he got sick of it and just decided to do something else. But what else could he do… Martha was away for an acting job, Alexis was a few days away to LA with the best friend's family. So he was just sitting on the couch, coffee on the table and staring through the window. Wondering about Kate. He tried so hard to break that wall down and now, by the way she was acting, it was back up.

A few hours later, after he ordered take out, he decided he wanted to explain. To explain to her why he said that. He, himself, had no clue why, and that's what he would tell her. He grabbed his coat and hailed a cab to the 12th.

When he arrived he saw Espo and Ryan looking up from their desks. Not expecting anyone to come in this late. Castle had expected them home by now. "Hey guys, why aren't you two home yet?" he asked. By the looks the pair gave him he said something wrong.

"Because of you!" Espo said as he stood up, "you brought back the old Beckett. You know, the one you met. By the book, no emotions, no fun!"

"You brought that wall back up." Ryan said to make him see what he did.

"I'm sorry guys. I know what I did wrong and I'm here to apologize." Castle said. But the pair didn't soften.

"It's not us you should apologize to." Ryan said.

"Yeah I know. I had hoped to catch Beckett here. Is she here?" Rick asked, hoping the answer would be yes.

"No, she isn't. She was going to finish paperwork home."

"Thanks guys." Castle said as he turned around and headed for the elevator.

Castle arrived at Kate's building. He rode the elevator up. When the doors opened he was met with Kate waiting for the elevator. "Castle? What are you doing here?" Kate said.

"Kate? Where are you going?" he asked at the same time.

"I was going to your place…" she said softly.

"And I came here to explain myself." He answered at her question. "I think I owe you that."

"Yeah, I think you do." She said a little anger in her voice but she let it go motioning for him to follow her into her apartment.

"I'm sorry for before Kate, but I have a question for you." He said and took a deep breath, "When did you break up with Demming?"

Kate looked at him with a puzzled look, but then the words made sense to her. Had he figured it out? That she broke up with Demming over him? Maybe… just maybe…

"Not the question I was expecting but I think you already know the answer seeing you're asking me this now."

"Why were you so sad when I walked away with Gina? You knew you were going to see me back…"

She smiled at that. "Actually Rick, I didn't. Javi helped me see that. He told me, and I quote: "Why do you think he still hangs around here? For research?" she started as Rick gave her a puzzled look.

"The guy has enough research to write a hundred books. So whatever the reason is, I'm sure it's not watching you being with another man." And after she took a deep breath, looking at her feet because she knew she wouldn't be able to handle the look in his eyes.

"So, I broke up with Demming soon after that. Realizing that I might not have you again in the fall, and I didn't want that. I realized that I really wanted to go to the Hamptons with you. And I was going to tell you but…"

"But I showed up with Gina." He interrupted realizing that he had hurt her by showing up with his ex wife who he didn't like after all. "Kate, I'm sorry… if I knew…" but now he was out of words. He, the writer, was out of words.

Kate looked up at him, she had anger and hurt written in her eyes. "Yeah, but you didn't. So I spend my summer thinking I was a fool. A big fool for thinking you had changed. And today I got the proof that Javi really was seeing things. Because today was a kick in the gut!" she said fiercely.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it." He said stepping closer to her but she just took a step back. He stopped and reached out to her. "Kate, I'm sorry."

She smiled, "I know you are. But I don't need your excuses because after all you think we are ridicules." He wanted to interrupt but she didn't let him. "so yeah, I'm sorry to. For believing you could love me back." And there it was. Her heart spilled on the table.

"Kate…"

"No Castle. Just get out of my apartment, and you don't have to come back. Not here, or the 12th. Just stay away, because I can't do this with you around me."

"Do what?" he asked with a little hurt in his voice.

She looked up at him, "Move on."

"Kate, I don't want you to…" he hesitated for a moment and then he took a step forward, "Kate…" he cupped her cheeks with his hands so she would have to look at him.

"Castle, don't. Please… just don't." she pleaded as she felt the tears gather in her eyes. She didn't want this from him, because he hadn't changed. He was still Richard Castle, famous author and playboy. And a heartbreaker.

"I won't if you don't want me to, but I know you want me to." He said as he closed the gap and gently brushed his lips against hers from right to left and pulled back an inch.

When he felt her follow his lips with hers, he pushed her further back until her back hit the wall and brought his lips back to hers. Kissing them softly. And soon, the kiss deepened as he brushed his tongue along her bottom lip, she opened her mouth to him. Feeling all the love he had for her.

He pulled back after a while, breathless and placed kisses along her neck. She felt her knees weaken as he hit that one spot in her neck that made her so weak. He pushed her back up and she brought her legs up behind his back and pushed him deeper into her. She let out a gasp as her moaned at the contact. "Castle!" she gasped as her brought his mouth back to hers and carried her away from the wall, into her bedroom.

Her jacket and t-shirt were off in the blink of an eye and so was his. He pushed them backwards and they fell onto the bed together.

"Rick." She hummed into his mouth. "I Love you." She whispered before she could think about it. And he froze. "Rick?" she was worried she might have scared him off. But he didn't do anything, he just looked up into her eyes. "Say something please…" she almost begged.

"I…" he mumbled, "I waited so long for this moment… and now… I don't know what to say."

"Say you love me to…" she whispered, "because I don't know if I'll be able to handle another answer."

"Kate, I loved you from the moment I met you. And I do now more than ever." He said as he lowered himself onto her.

"I love you Kate, Always."

She smiled. "Always."

**So… I'd love to hear what you think about the story, bcs I think this is the end… I don't really know how to continue…**

**Maybe if I get enough reviews, I might go on…**


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